Healing Moments

Chaplaincy: Trusting the Questions

Often in spiritual care practice, stories abound about how chaplains provide a compassionate presence for patients and families, resulting in a perceived sense of wholeness not only for the ill and the bereaved, but for the chaplain as well. Donna Prince, a recent graduate of The HealthCare Chaplaincy's residency program at New York-Presbyterian Hospital, Weill Cornell Medical Center, has her own story.

While on call one recent Saturday Donna was paged by a social worker at the hospital. Shortly after one o'clock in the morning, a woman in the seventh month of pregnancy delivered a still-born baby. The fetus had died, in utero, two days earlier. Debra and her husband, Josh, were in the ante-partum/gynecological unit, and they wanted to see a chaplain. An interfaith couple‹ she, Methodist and he, Jewish‹both 35 years old, they had begun calling the baby Mark, after a sonogram several days earlier showed a seemingly strong and healthy male. It would have been their first child.

Ninety minutes after getting the call, Donna introduced herself at the door to their hospital room. Debra inhaled deeply, exclaimed, ŒOh, good,' and began to cry. "My impression was that she had been crying all day," said Donna. "They needed a ritual to help them come to terms with their loss, and I knew we would be sharing much more than a blessing."

For the next three hours, Debra and Josh spoke of disturbing events the previous week. The previous Monday, they had put their dog of sixteen years to sleep. The following day, Debra had the sonogram. Then on Wednesday, Debra's sister‹also pregnant and in her eighth month‹ suffered injuries in a car accident, prompting fears that she might lose her baby. The next day, Debra felt no kicking, no movement at all. She returned to the hospital, and after tests, she and Josh were told that their baby had died in utero. The cause was unknown. On Friday, labor was induced; she delivered early Saturday morning.

Josh spoke about their reasons for not trying to have children sooner. Both expressed a sense of guilt: had waiting so long to get pregnant contributed to, or even caused, the death of their unborn child? Debra detailed several mysterious events that seemed to guide her toward having a child over the preceding two years, which she interpreted as signs from God. She felt "slammed" by God, who "convinced" her to get pregnant and then took away her baby. With a weakened trust in God, she wondered, to whom could she turn for guidance? "What am I to do now?" she asked.

Although Donna could not provide answers, she helped the couple hold on to their questions, even in their bewilderment and despair. Donna advised Debra to do as she had always done: pray, ask God the questions that were troubling her, share with God her doubt, uncertainty, and disappointment. And wait. At the couple's request, and with the consent of the medical staff, Donna led them in an interfaith blessing of the baby in the hospital morgue.

Donna admitted that the experience did not leave her unshaken. "For me, not trusting God is the most frightening thing I can imagine. Debra's question‹ŒWhat do I do now?'‹echoed in my memory. In Debra's anguish, I heard a new perspective: questioning one's trust in God is a healthy, even necessary part of the journey of faith."

A few weeks later, Debra and Josh wrote a letter to the president of New York-Presbyterian, commending the healthcare team for their care and compassion. Of the blessing led by Donna, they wrote: "We still take great solace in having had that ceremony."

Chaplain Donna Prince (seated, second from right) with (L. to R. standing) the Rev. Robert Anderson, CPE supervisor at New York-Presbyterian Hospital, Weill Cornell Center; and fellow residents, Rabbi David Adelson; Chaplain SuBok Choi; and (seated) Chaplain Margaret Tuttle; and Chaplain Enid Garwood-Seung.